Wednesday, March 18, 2009

needing to escape

I've been thinking lately about what it is that draws me to the computer. Why am I always trying to sneak away and steal some time to myself? Why is there this longing to escape?

I realized that when I'm sitting in front of the computer, reality just sort of fades into the background. I don't have to worry about everything that's going wrong at home, I can just 'check out' for minutes throughout the day and 'check in' to the lives of friends.

Staying at home and being a wife and mommy is the place where I have always wanted to be. So why is it so hard? So hard to enjoy sometimes? It's what I've always wanted to do and yet, I feel like I am unhappy more than I should be. Yeah, there's the obvious reasons of kids not getting along, residency, finances. But then there are other things that I pray will change. And they don't. And my heart continues to ache.

And then I remind myself that I was not made for this world. Life is supposed to hurt. Many more failures are sure to come. More disappointments. My heart will break once again. So I wipe away the tears and move on.

God, soften my heart so it's you I run to as my escape... every time. I know that sneaking away and spending time with you is what I need. Help me to see the beauty when all I see is negative. Amen.

2 Corinthians 4:16-18
16Therefore we do not lose heart. Though outwardly we are wasting away, yet inwardly we are being renewed day by day. 17For our light and momentary troubles are achieving for us an eternal glory that far outweighs them all. 18So we fix our eyes not on what is seen, but on what is unseen. For what is seen is temporary, but what is unseen is eternal.

17 tellin' me what I want to hear!:

Nana said...

Our adversary has a way of keeping us unsatisfied by lying to us. The word helps compat that, but then again he tells us we don't have time for his word or makes it seem like work to read it. I feel like the evil one is hovering over me lately waiting to pounce, but I'm not in the word enough so there ya go....

Jane Anne said...

This is precisely why I am taking a blog break right now. And, unfortunately, it is harder than I expected to turn to God for my stree-relief and quick breaks.
I love your prayer and enjoyed the verses. Thank you. I am with you in your struggle.

Melisa said...

Wow, sweetie. Thanks for helping me understand some things about myself. I could cut and paste it and use it as my exact feelings. It all just gets so overwhelming sometimes. And online are people who understand and offer support. It is sad that the majority of my adult contact is via internet. It just gets so lonely sometimes. Not that Brad was home a ton before, but is just so different now. Sigh.

Thanks for sharing this. I really needed it!

Milk Maker said...

it's so refreshing to read such honest, heartfelt words. i can totally relate. For some reason, finding shelter in the Lord is something i have to MAKE myself do! But when I finally give in and rely on Him for strength..it's such a relief. Why can't I do this before I get to the end of my rope?! Thanks Trish....great blog.

Debbie said...

Wow, I couldn't have said it better. Thanks for this post. I needed it!

Alexandra said...

It's hard to slow down and really get into His word, but you are so right that that is what we need to be relying on, not ourselves or others. It's nice to be able to vent to friends, but what we really need is His guidance and strength to carry us through our day.
I always tell myself I don't have time or that's a lot of work, but once I start reading and praying, my marriage is better, my life is easier, and my chores seem so much better because I know that what I am doing for my family pleases the Lord.

Katie L said...

Great post girl! I think that is how a lot of us feel. It's nice to see such honesty. Love ya!

LauraD said...

I so relate! Thanks for putting it into words for me.

Minnie said...

One more talent you possess.. maybe you should have a ministry blog....

"Come unto me, all ye that labour and are heavy laden, and I will give you rest.
Take my yoke upon you, and learn of me; for I am meek and lowly in heart: and yea shall find rest unto your souls.
For my yoke is easy, and my burden is light."
Matthew 11:28-30

Real Life Roberts said...

Thanks for contacting me. I'm just now feeling like I can do the extras like blogging with other friends. I'll get better and more into descovering new friends as I get more adjusted to 3! ;) We are in Tulsa. My husband is a MSIII. We live in BA. We'll have to keep in touch. PS your family is beautiful.

Bea said...

Goodness, this is such a powerful post. You eloquently captured something I struggle with so much. Thank you for sharing it and for reminding me to to "escape" to God.

Hugs.

Dion said...

Love you. Hugs today. Your post was exactly what I feel like, but I'm never able to say it with such grace.

Cindi said...

Wow!
I've also wondered "This is where I wanted to be, why am I not taking it in, enjoying it?"
What heartfelt words, scripture and advice - thanks.

Farmer Gal said...

I had someone say, when facing some uncertain medical testing, that someone had told them that when the anxiety and fear crept in, to focus on Jesus. I think that always helps put things in perspective and also helps us to take the focus off of 'self'.

Thanks for sharing this!

The Barnyards said...

Hello! I'm friends with Ashlee (Young)Tollett. I needed to read this today, thank you. SO many times I know I use the internet world to escape. I do it way too often for such similar reasons. Today I just felt the Lord asking me to make Him my escape...I want to be satisfied in Him alone. Thanks for your post! Oh how timely it was for me. :)

Ashlee , JT. Soph, Shiloh, and Baby Tollett said...

Trish,

Your blogs are always so encouraging and relevant. You are a gifted writer. How great is it to know that we all were created for a greater purpose? For this earthly tent is not our home. And oh how we are all outwardly daily, wasting away.

Ginny said...

What a great post!

 
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