The time, always the time, I'm an amateur trying to beat time. The six kids rouse. We race. The barn... and hurry. The breakfast... and hurry. The books, the binders... and hurry! In a world addicted to speed, I blur the moments into one unholy smear. I have done it. I do it still. Hands of the clock whip hard. So I push hard and I bark hard and I fall hard and when their wide eyes brim sadness and their chins tremble weak, I am weary and I am the thin clear skin, reflecting their fatigue, about to burst, my eyes glistening their same sheer pain.
The hurry makes us hurt.
I don't really want more time; I just want enough time.
I just want time to do my one life well.
Being in a hurry. Getting to the next thing without fully entering the thing in front of me. I cannot think of a single advantage I've ever gained from being in a hurry. But a thousand broken and missed things, tens of thousands, lie in the wake of all the rushing... Through all that haste I thought I was making up time. It turns out I was throwing it away. -Mark Buchanan
These are words from a book I am reading right now. Oh, it is speaking to me. One Thousand Gifts by Ann Voskamp. It's just what I need right now as Kyle and I are taking steps to simplify and get to the place where God wants our family to be. Being thankful for what we have today. Right now. Maybe doing things a little different than the next family, maybe doing some things the same. Changing things up according to what is on our hearts.
But what always seems to get in the way no matter how I try to keep things/activities/obligations to a minimum is my unnecessary need to get things done. I'm guilty of flying through moments just to check each one off the list.
I've even found myself rushing through this book so I can move on to the next.
And I feel that I am thankful for this life. Every bit of it.
But am I really? Do I stop and notice the details? The amazing details in each day that show God's love and power? Because they are everywhere. All around me.
So I am making an effort to slow down and really enjoy this book and the poetic words that fill its pages. And while I'm at it, enter into each moment of my day. Rush my kids less. Love my family more. Thank God for the blessings, big and small.
We are merely moving shadows, and all our busy rushing ends in nothing. We heap up wealth, not knowing who will spend it.
For some reason, the last week has been one of those weeks.
One where no one seems to obey and the kids don't particularly like each other. Or so it seems.
Too many spankings for them and too little patience and energy for me.
So thinking about Thanksgiving tomorrow, I've attempted to redirect all day today and focus on thankfulness and see the blessings all around me.
I made sure to take each kiddo aside at some point today and tell them how thankful I was for each one and why.
I threw them in the backyard for a few pics.
I wanted to remember what they looked like today.
I'm thankful to have a husband who wishes he could be around more. I am thankful for the man he is.
I am thankful for our marriage. It only seems to grow stronger.
I'm thankful for a daughter who felt "super duper bad" and on the verge of tears when she accidentally pulled a lizard's tail off.
Such a big heart. Thankful for her loving spirit.
I'm thankful for a son who enjoys reading to his little brother and sister.
Those moments... you can see their love for him. Heart-melting good stuff.
I'm thankful for another son who has the most random thoughts.
"When I was sick, it felt like I had a leaf in my throat.", "I'm so impressed that GG can take her teeth out.", "Ellie, you smell like a hot tub."
Thankful for these little happies throughout each and every day.
I'm thankful for my family's health.
Some days it seems that too much of our money goes to appointments and medicine, but things could be far worse
and I absolutely don't take that for granted. We are healthy and I am thankful.
I'm thankful for the priviledge to stay home.
I can't imagine how I would handle not being here day in and day out to care for my family. Unthinkable.
It's what I was meant to do and I get to do it. So thankful.
I'm thankful for a God who loves me for me.
It's been a year of stretching and learning and growing closer to Him. He has opened up some new doors for us this year.
Doors that should bring about worry and fear. But I feel peace. His peace covering me... and that's all I really need.