time well spent

The time, always the time, I'm an amateur trying to beat time. The six kids rouse. We race. The barn... and hurry. The breakfast... and hurry. The books, the binders... and hurry! In a world addicted to speed, I blur the moments into one unholy smear. I have done it. I do it still. Hands of the clock whip hard. So I push hard and I bark hard and I fall hard and when their wide eyes brim sadness and their chins tremble weak, I am weary and I am the thin clear skin, reflecting their fatigue, about to burst, my eyes glistening their same sheer pain.

The hurry makes us hurt.

I don't really want more time; I just want enough time.

I just want time to do my one life well.

-Ann Voskamp

Being in a hurry. Getting to the next thing without fully entering the thing in front of me. I cannot think of a single advantage I've ever gained from being in a hurry. But a thousand broken and missed things, tens of thousands, lie in the wake of all the rushing... Through all that haste I thought I was making up time. It turns out I was throwing it away.
-Mark Buchanan

These are words from a book I am reading right now. Oh, it is speaking to me. One Thousand Gifts by Ann Voskamp. It's just what I need right now as Kyle and I are taking steps to simplify and get to the place where God wants our family to be. Being thankful for what we have today. Right now. Maybe doing things a little different than the next family, maybe doing some things the same. Changing things up according to what is on our hearts.

But what always seems to get in the way no matter how I try to keep things/activities/obligations to a minimum is my unnecessary need to get things done. I'm guilty of flying through moments just to check each one off the list.

I've even found myself rushing through this book so I can move on to the next.

And I feel that I am thankful for this life. Every bit of it.

But am I really? Do I stop and notice the details? The amazing details in each day that show God's love and power? Because they are everywhere. All around me.

So I am making an effort to slow down and really enjoy this book and the poetic words that fill its pages. And while I'm at it, enter into each moment of my day. Rush my kids less. Love my family more. Thank God for the blessings, big and small.

We are merely moving shadows, and all our busy rushing ends in nothing.
We heap up wealth, not knowing who will spend it.

Psalm 39:6